space.

I decided today that I gotta have my space.
I need to have some place where I define as thinking space or writing space or getting tasks done space or reading space... Its been a pattern for my life and I see it now. But it's kind of an inconvenient way to be in such a transitional house as this has been lately.
So I kind of decided that since my house feels transitional, i'll just create a space that can be transitional as well.

Um, it looks like this....

So this is where I think, read, eat, pray, love... you know. And its transitional! I can sit on the porch, or in the living room, or in my room, or in Anne's room, or on the stairway, or at a ballgame... It goes anywhere! It's like a swiss army knife for my brain.

So, cheers to my red lawn chair. You help my brain breathe and feel at home.

(Please try not to judge the things I decide to blog about, ok?)

Waiting for Boaz

I gotta get to bed earlier

when i don't, things like this happen...

...such a pleasure to run my own home.

Back in the game.

Journals and blogs have overwhelmed me lately, but I need to start somewhere. Its healthy. It's good for me. I can't put off processing my life forever.
The other day I realized I haven't fully processed graduation and I got a little upset about it. Its going to take time, I know, but I feel like I should be further along than I am.
I believe that ceremonies, weddings, funerals, graduations... etc. are good for us because they help us face the transitions and changes we go through in healthy ways. I think that when we don't participate fully in those ceremonies, we are missing something. The weekend of my graduation, I feel like I had a lot going on in my mind and I just kind of coped my way through it without fully engaging in the joy of graduating. And I think through that process, I allowed the anxieties to steal a lot of the joy graduations should bring. So my plan is to call my mom soon and plan little graduation gathering when I get back from Honduras. I think this will be helpful in allowing me to fully celebrate and feel closure.
I have accomplished something. I have a freaking college degree that says so! Why don't I feel happy about that? Probably because I've suffered a lot of discontentment with my major and some of my classes this year. But I shouldn't let those discontentments create a dis-creditation in my head of the accomplishment God has brought me to. I'm excited about the things that I've learned and ready to apply them in real life situations while continuing to learn more. We're always students in a sense and I never want to stop learning and growing each day.

What to say...

I've been wanting to blog for a while, but haven't felt like I have anything to say... so here's my life in a nutshell.

I'm going to CA for spring break, I leave Saturday :D STOKED to spend time away from school thoughts and hang out with Danielle Faust and Emily Larson.

My future is coming together. I've made the decision to stay in Marion for next year. Which is a little scary, but I continue to feel affirmed in the decision. Now I just need to sort through my priorities for next year. I have so many things I want to do and be involved in. I just need to figure out what is most important and why God is affirming me to stay here.

I had a really bad headache yesterday to the point that I thought something might be wrong with me. But its gone this morning so we'll see if it comes back I might get checked out...

Prayers. I would really love your prayers as I try to figure out my internship. I have emailed an organization in Honduras and they've emailed me back saying they are interested and excited but needed to look over the paperwork and pray about it. So pray that God's will is made known to them as they consider allowing me to come work with them.  Its basically an organization that works with agricultural development and has a mentoring component. It would be pretty much perfect for what i'm looking for.

I really love listening to music. I want to do it all day everyday. But I can't always get my homework done while listening.

I'm fasting from Caffeine for lent and trying to train myself to pay attention to God's presence and feel affirmed my Him in a more real way. You can pray for that too. Its been hard, but its working and I'm sensing God in some unique times throughout the day. its cool.

Ok, I should get to work now.
Closing thought.
"We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”
- Jim Rohn

I'm so possessive of my mornings

If you haven't watched a sunrise in awhile, get on that.

Boots

I woke up this morning to...



And from there it was official.

Today is the day I will debut my boots to the world.

(I'm trying to be epic. but really I'm just nervous so my coping mechanism is to make humor of it and embrace the fun in wearing boots not the self-conscious feelings I have in my stomach.)

"Even Jesus Wept"

I don't know the rules about posting things. But I like this article so I'm putting it here too even though I put it on my status like 2 minutes ago.

I think the title is a little cheese, cause the "Jesus wept" verse is not the only place you find God showing us His emotions in scripture, but I feel like its the only one that ever gets attention.

To real you in, here is a take away I like about it...
"Giving into and being consumed by strong emotion is unhealthy, yes, even sinful; but having emotion in its proper context is good, even holy." 

Now, read it.

My room better not become a scrapbook room.

Depending where I decide to live after graduation, this could have been the longest time i'll be home for a good while... that kinda scares me. I really love my home town and the people that live here. North Carolina is pretty great, I won't lie. I've grown up in the best state. I'll probably have my kids here, at least. That's kinda what I want... I mean my mom would hate to be a distance grandma.... ok... too much...

Let's not think about it. I get to thinking and I never stop.

So I'm packing and getting ready for my last semester of college. I have to be there by 5:00pm tomorrow, meaning I'll be leaving my house around 6:30am. LAST SEMESTER!? who am i?
This is real weird.

Lord be with me.

ps- I wrestled an alligator today.

Evaluation

Aight, I blogged these about a year ago... lets see how I did........ 


2011 Goals
1. Eat more fruit. --Not so good. But I know raised my average! I realized this year I feel attractive eating apples. I can't explain it. It's just how I feel. 
2. Write more letters. --Still could use some improvement, but I'm think getting better at sharing my thoughts. which I know that was the partial intention with this one. 
3. Be more organized. --Yeah I'd say so. At least "more" than before. 
4. Learn to take intentional alone time. --Sure.
5. Don't waste money. --Getting there. I did save enough money to buy a new computer and plan a trip to CA. But I still need to learn how to set my limits and stick to them.
6. Be consistent with working out. --No. Not in the "3 days a week" type thing I was going for. 7. Spend more time outside. --I did a pretty good job of this over the summer. I know I went on pointless bike rides more. And I played soccer with church friends most Sundays. 
8. Learn to live 1 Peter 4. --I know a big theme I've been learning this year has been about loving others pure and selflessly like Christ loves us. I've been learning about being a good steward of the things God has given me. Learning how to use my gifts... And learning that its God's strength not mine. I don't know. I know I've learn a lot about the themes in these verses, but there's still room for growth. Always. 
9. Clean out my material goods. --I feel like my earthly possessions are still the same. I tried to clean things out this summer but it was hard. I'm too sentimental; My closet still holds little trinkets from my childhood I just can't part with yet. Like my Hornets hat I wore everyday when I was 10 or my woody woodpecker jacket... I'll get there.  
10. Grab life by the throat 6 days a week and learn to sabbath when its time (aka don't waste a good story on laziness). --practicing the sabbath is hard stuff. I feel like I Sabbath until about 4:00pm. Then I get back to work. I want to do better at this one. 


I'd say I did ok over all. I need to make new ones for this year. soon.