clocks

I really like silence. I like it when the house is quiet and it feels like no one is around and you can hear the passing cars and their fading echos. I like listening to the refrigerator buzz and hearing the heat turn on. I like hearing myself breathe and the sounds of my belly growling or processing whatever I just gave it to ease the growl. I like it when its quiet. I like listening to my thoughts, even though at times they drive me to prayer because I know I'm over thinking something or can't figure something out. It makes me thankful. Because I reach a feeling that I can't do it and without that "I can't do it" feeling, I wouldn't embrace my need for God or the power He wants to flood into my life.

One thing I do not like to hear when its quiet is the sound of a clock ticking.

My mom loves clocks. I remember having a sleepover and realizing just how much she loves clocks. As we went to bed, my friends and I were forced to level with an army of ticking in the darkness. I remember going around the room gathering clocks and returning to find there were MORE. I think I found 9 clocks that night in our living room.

Ticking clocks are a reminder that time is passing. I don't want to think about time passing when I'm trying to enjoy silence.

In small group we've been covering many topics, but all in relation to the church calendar. The church calendar is based on the idea that time is sacred. God wants to interact with us in unique ways in time. His spirit can even be present in seemingly different ways in various seasons. The significants of each event on the church calendar is to heighten our awareness of God's presence in those seasons.

So I find it interesting that the only thing that bothers me in silence is a ticking clock. If I embrace time as an eternal creature who is gaining time then I shouldn't be bothered by a ticking clock. But I think of it as a loss. I think of it in monetary terms-spending time, wasting time, time management... I feel like the ticking clock is nagging me, "What are you doing? You have things to do today, you can't just sit there in silence." This view of the ticking clock distracts and takes away from my reaching the afore mentioned need for God in my thoughts, the "I can't do it" feeling.

Therefore, I choose to view today as eternal. I choose to live in it as if it were adding to my life, not taking away from it. I choose to live as if the things I do today shape the things I do tomorrow and the next, and the next... They don't have to be epic. They don't have to be "big moments," they just have to be baby steps forward in the time God is giving me. He set the sun and moon into existence, one to govern the day, and one to govern the night. And time was established. So let the clocks tick. They don't bother me, they are only counting the time I'm gaining, 4 years, 12 years, 22 years, 44 years, 94 years... Bring it. I ain't got nothin' but time.