Sometimes I want people to just know what's going on in my head and other times I wish they would stop trying to get in there. I don't know the balance. I live in a lot of paradoxical thoughts and feelings, it gets confusing to me, and also to those around me (at least I think they're confused, maybe they get me more than I do). I don't know how to delve through them. I feels like i'm swimming in oil with my eyes open. I should be able to see what's going on under there, but it's so dark I can't see. Yet in the midst of the dark oil it's worth ALOT. I know my thoughts and feelings are legitimate. They are rich and valuable, but I don't know how to swim in them.
I'm a feeler. Stuff gets to me and when it does it cuts deep. Lately, I don't trust my feelings. That's super confusing. Many times feelings are my truth, so when my truth looks like a lie how am I to know which way is up?
So maybe I want people in there... swimming around helping me figure out which way is up. Or maybe I want to journey alone and try to figure it out on my own. I don't know which is better. For now, I'm just going to choose the truth of scripture in the midst of the rich yet muggy oil.
Lamentations 3:22-24
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
Do you know that I love those verses so so much? I love you little swimmer.
ReplyDeleteIt's not bad to have your thoughts crowd your mind and create oily substances... Thats when God is trying to show you that even though they are your thoughts and feelings you need to trust in Him. He'll show you what's important and how you need to shuffle through everything! I love you so much! Wish I were more like you. Hope you have a great weekend!
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