Blindfolds

Do you ever read the bible, and you're like seriously? that happened for 3 years? What did he do on his off time? What did he do between all the stuff God was doing in his life? How did he live with just that one command for 3 whole years?! Daniel was brought under the king's rule. Trained for 3 years and then entered into the king's service. He interpreted dreams and peaced out of a huge fire without a scorch, scratch or singe... All through God's power of course... and he's not shy about giving God the praise for what He has done in Daniel's life.

Or what about that verse where it says, "And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men." (Luke 2:52) What? How am I supposed to navigate adolescence and early adulthood when you only gave me that one sentence of how Jesus did it?! I used to get so pissed about that verse. God probably laughs at me and says- its not that hard, I only gave you a one command, just grow.

3 years is a long time. 3 years ago I was 19.5 years old, a Sophomore in college, learned how to be an RA, entered into my first relationship, unsure what God wanted with my life after school (still growing in that), and a COMPLETELY different person. Its weird to think about how long that is and how scripture will sum up 3 years of growth for someone in a few sentences. But they were moldable years. For sure! Like I said, I'm a completely different person.

Maybe God leaves years a little blank in scripture because they don't look the same to everyone. Maybe He keeps them mysterious because they are supposed to be lived in daily surrender to whatever He wants to speak into them. Maybe He likes keeping us in the "need to know" level of communication. Maybe He just wants us to keep in mind that He is sovereign and knows best. Maybe life is a lesson of TRUST. I know it has been for me.

So I guess I choose to look at those types of passages with excitement. God has a plan. He's romantic and wants to keep it spontaneous. He wants to hold his hands over my eyes for a few years and then bring me to the edge of something and then whisper "ok, you can open them now" and then blow my mind with all the stuff he's been planning for years. The stuff he's been doing in the background along the journey. The cool stuff that "I just want to know now!" The stuff that you write books about. The "big moment" type stuff. So I choose to trust him. Trust for the 3 years or for the 27, whatever it takes.

He's got it. I'm thankful.

Interpret my dreams...

Part of it, I was getting married. And my wedding was on a Sunday so people were already dressed up but they were planning on coming to my wedding after church. As I was getting ready and talking to my mom I realized that I didn't have a dress! Then I looked in my closet and showed my mom a green dress and she was like, 'you have to wear white!' And I thought, 'oh yeah, I don't want people to think I'm not a virgin!' Then I found a short white dress. Mom said that'd do and we went across the street to I guess my aunt's house? And then I realized the guy I was going to marry is already married! So I said 'shoot, I need a groom.'  And I started to get sad that I was just looking around and trying to settle, but then I felt pressure from my mom and everyone coming to the wedding that I didn't have it all together so we could have the wedding that day. I even remember thinking into the details of someone traveling really far to come to the wedding and I was like 'I can't let them down.' (haha- so let me commit to ANYONE just so that person doesn't waste a day of travel. great logic.) 

Then another part of the dream, there was a murder. It was one girl out of many friends who were models. And I got to the scene before all of the other model friends. and I was like 'Ah, call the cops!' Then the other models came up the stairs, gasped and soon acted like it wasn't a big deal. Then the girl who was stabbed woke up. I asked who stabbed her and she said it was this guy who was also a cop. So the guy who stabbed her shows up with another cop and they start asking what happened. I attack the cop who stabbed the girl and saying, 'you know what happened!' As I went towards him, he runs away. The other models move on and start to laugh about text messages or something and they don't care about their friend. Which makes me sad. Then the medical team came and took the stabbed girl on this stretcher backpack thing. The guy carrying her runs/skips down the stairs with the stabbed girl bobbing behind him on the backpack thing. I remember thinking 'that doesn't feel good after you've been stabbed.' And I remember the stairs looked like subway stairs. And I hated that the murderer cop got away. 

That's all I remember. 

I'm over the little fears I sometimes get of writing out loud.

...Hopefully.
I think its interesting how different people have different mediums of expressing themselves. Sometimes I wish I were a singer and I could just express myself through song. Or a dancer and it all comes out in my moves. Or a writer and all I need is a pen to get that stuff out of me that gets locked in.
I need to find my medium. I don't think I have a main outlet for expression. I think I have multiple ones. Running, dancing, writing, thinking (does that count?), talking it out, singing at times... maybe that's ok to have lots of outlets. Keeps the romance alive, right?
Who knows.
But I do enjoy seeing people use their outlets when needed. And I like knowing what outlet works best for them.
Aight, late.

(SEE I almost deleted this post because I fear writing and expressing myself through this medium. I'm writing out loud. get over it.)