I always love my drive home.
Whether its crumby weather or sunshine the whole way. I love it. Its so beautiful. People usually wince at me when they find I have to drive 10 hours alone, but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way (of course, I wish all my friends and family were closer.. but those are different thoughts).
It was snowing this time. Indiana and Ohio had some scary drifts, but through West Virginia and Virginia it was more like rain with some winter wonderland peppering the grass.
I love that I'm from North Carolina. Daniel from the bookstore always makes fun of me when I go off about NC, but I seriously am prideful about my roots.
Everyone from NC loves it here. When I'm home, my family usually seems confused at my choice to live in IN. They don't understand why anyone would ever choose to live somewhere else. It honestly makes me question. They ask me things like, "What do you do up there?" There's obviously nothing to do anywhere else.
Even though I enjoy my drive alone, I always have moments when I wish someone else were in the car. But I don't like carpooling. I do it cause it makes sense to split the gas but I'd really rather drive alone than have just anyone come with me. I love the times when I've been able to share the drive with a good friend.
Anyhow, so the snow was pretty and the drive was delightful. I need new music but I still loved every minute.
Praise the Lord for being an introvert.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
shh, don't tell them or i'll seem like a sap...
I miss my friends and family from home today.
Can't wait to spend some quality time with them in a few weeks.
Cheers to North Carolina this morning.
Can't wait to spend some quality time with them in a few weeks.
Cheers to North Carolina this morning.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Blindfolds
Do you ever read the bible, and you're like seriously? that happened for 3 years? What did he do on his off time? What did he do between all the stuff God was doing in his life? How did he live with just that one command for 3 whole years?! Daniel was brought under the king's rule. Trained for 3 years and then entered into the king's service. He interpreted dreams and peaced out of a huge fire without a scorch, scratch or singe... All through God's power of course... and he's not shy about giving God the praise for what He has done in Daniel's life.
Or what about that verse where it says, "And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men." (Luke 2:52) What? How am I supposed to navigate adolescence and early adulthood when you only gave me that one sentence of how Jesus did it?! I used to get so pissed about that verse. God probably laughs at me and says- its not that hard, I only gave you a one command, just grow.
3 years is a long time. 3 years ago I was 19.5 years old, a Sophomore in college, learned how to be an RA, entered into my first relationship, unsure what God wanted with my life after school (still growing in that), and a COMPLETELY different person. Its weird to think about how long that is and how scripture will sum up 3 years of growth for someone in a few sentences. But they were moldable years. For sure! Like I said, I'm a completely different person.
Maybe God leaves years a little blank in scripture because they don't look the same to everyone. Maybe He keeps them mysterious because they are supposed to be lived in daily surrender to whatever He wants to speak into them. Maybe He likes keeping us in the "need to know" level of communication. Maybe He just wants us to keep in mind that He is sovereign and knows best. Maybe life is a lesson of TRUST. I know it has been for me.
So I guess I choose to look at those types of passages with excitement. God has a plan. He's romantic and wants to keep it spontaneous. He wants to hold his hands over my eyes for a few years and then bring me to the edge of something and then whisper "ok, you can open them now" and then blow my mind with all the stuff he's been planning for years. The stuff he's been doing in the background along the journey. The cool stuff that "I just want to know now!" The stuff that you write books about. The "big moment" type stuff. So I choose to trust him. Trust for the 3 years or for the 27, whatever it takes.
He's got it. I'm thankful.
Or what about that verse where it says, "And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men." (Luke 2:52) What? How am I supposed to navigate adolescence and early adulthood when you only gave me that one sentence of how Jesus did it?! I used to get so pissed about that verse. God probably laughs at me and says- its not that hard, I only gave you a one command, just grow.
3 years is a long time. 3 years ago I was 19.5 years old, a Sophomore in college, learned how to be an RA, entered into my first relationship, unsure what God wanted with my life after school (still growing in that), and a COMPLETELY different person. Its weird to think about how long that is and how scripture will sum up 3 years of growth for someone in a few sentences. But they were moldable years. For sure! Like I said, I'm a completely different person.
Maybe God leaves years a little blank in scripture because they don't look the same to everyone. Maybe He keeps them mysterious because they are supposed to be lived in daily surrender to whatever He wants to speak into them. Maybe He likes keeping us in the "need to know" level of communication. Maybe He just wants us to keep in mind that He is sovereign and knows best. Maybe life is a lesson of TRUST. I know it has been for me.
So I guess I choose to look at those types of passages with excitement. God has a plan. He's romantic and wants to keep it spontaneous. He wants to hold his hands over my eyes for a few years and then bring me to the edge of something and then whisper "ok, you can open them now" and then blow my mind with all the stuff he's been planning for years. The stuff he's been doing in the background along the journey. The cool stuff that "I just want to know now!" The stuff that you write books about. The "big moment" type stuff. So I choose to trust him. Trust for the 3 years or for the 27, whatever it takes.
He's got it. I'm thankful.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Interpret my dreams...
Part of it, I was getting married. And my wedding was on a Sunday so people were already dressed up but they were planning on coming to my wedding after church. As I was getting ready and talking to my mom I realized that I didn't have a dress! Then I looked in my closet and showed my mom a green dress and she was like, 'you have to wear white!' And I thought, 'oh yeah, I don't want people to think I'm not a virgin!' Then I found a short white dress. Mom said that'd do and we went across the street to I guess my aunt's house? And then I realized the guy I was going to marry is already married! So I said 'shoot, I need a groom.' And I started to get sad that I was just looking around and trying to settle, but then I felt pressure from my mom and everyone coming to the wedding that I didn't have it all together so we could have the wedding that day. I even remember thinking into the details of someone traveling really far to come to the wedding and I was like 'I can't let them down.' (haha- so let me commit to ANYONE just so that person doesn't waste a day of travel. great logic.)
Then another part of the dream, there was a murder. It was one girl out of many friends who were models. And I got to the scene before all of the other model friends. and I was like 'Ah, call the cops!' Then the other models came up the stairs, gasped and soon acted like it wasn't a big deal. Then the girl who was stabbed woke up. I asked who stabbed her and she said it was this guy who was also a cop. So the guy who stabbed her shows up with another cop and they start asking what happened. I attack the cop who stabbed the girl and saying, 'you know what happened!' As I went towards him, he runs away. The other models move on and start to laugh about text messages or something and they don't care about their friend. Which makes me sad. Then the medical team came and took the stabbed girl on this stretcher backpack thing. The guy carrying her runs/skips down the stairs with the stabbed girl bobbing behind him on the backpack thing. I remember thinking 'that doesn't feel good after you've been stabbed.' And I remember the stairs looked like subway stairs. And I hated that the murderer cop got away.
That's all I remember.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
I'm over the little fears I sometimes get of writing out loud.
...Hopefully.
I think its interesting how different people have different mediums of expressing themselves. Sometimes I wish I were a singer and I could just express myself through song. Or a dancer and it all comes out in my moves. Or a writer and all I need is a pen to get that stuff out of me that gets locked in.
I need to find my medium. I don't think I have a main outlet for expression. I think I have multiple ones. Running, dancing, writing, thinking (does that count?), talking it out, singing at times... maybe that's ok to have lots of outlets. Keeps the romance alive, right?
Who knows.
But I do enjoy seeing people use their outlets when needed. And I like knowing what outlet works best for them.
Aight, late.
(SEE I almost deleted this post because I fear writing and expressing myself through this medium. I'm writing out loud. get over it.)
I think its interesting how different people have different mediums of expressing themselves. Sometimes I wish I were a singer and I could just express myself through song. Or a dancer and it all comes out in my moves. Or a writer and all I need is a pen to get that stuff out of me that gets locked in.
I need to find my medium. I don't think I have a main outlet for expression. I think I have multiple ones. Running, dancing, writing, thinking (does that count?), talking it out, singing at times... maybe that's ok to have lots of outlets. Keeps the romance alive, right?
Who knows.
But I do enjoy seeing people use their outlets when needed. And I like knowing what outlet works best for them.
Aight, late.
(SEE I almost deleted this post because I fear writing and expressing myself through this medium. I'm writing out loud. get over it.)
Monday, August 13, 2012
Cutlery
Forks can be scary. I praise God for the purpose He is showing me as we figure out my forks. I don't feel confident to step in one direction or the other. But I know that with patience, God will begin to lightly shove me in the direction that's best. I can confidently walk in His kingdom. Daily I'll get there. Stop asking me what I'm doing tomorrow; I don't know. But I know who knows and I dependently trust in Him.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
1 Corinthians 1:26-31
26 Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”
26 Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”
Sunday, June 3, 2012
space.
I decided today that I gotta have my space.
I need to have some place where I define as thinking space or writing space or getting tasks done space or reading space... Its been a pattern for my life and I see it now. But it's kind of an inconvenient way to be in such a transitional house as this has been lately.
So I kind of decided that since my house feels transitional, i'll just create a space that can be transitional as well.
Um, it looks like this....
So this is where I think, read, eat, pray, love... you know. And its transitional! I can sit on the porch, or in the living room, or in my room, or in Anne's room, or on the stairway, or at a ballgame... It goes anywhere! It's like a swiss army knife for my brain.
So, cheers to my red lawn chair. You help my brain breathe and feel at home.
(Please try not to judge the things I decide to blog about, ok?)
I need to have some place where I define as thinking space or writing space or getting tasks done space or reading space... Its been a pattern for my life and I see it now. But it's kind of an inconvenient way to be in such a transitional house as this has been lately.
So I kind of decided that since my house feels transitional, i'll just create a space that can be transitional as well.
Um, it looks like this....
So, cheers to my red lawn chair. You help my brain breathe and feel at home.
(Please try not to judge the things I decide to blog about, ok?)
Thursday, May 31, 2012
I gotta get to bed earlier
when i don't, things like this happen...
...such a pleasure to run my own home.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Back in the game.
Journals and blogs have overwhelmed me lately, but I need to start somewhere. Its healthy. It's good for me. I can't put off processing my life forever.
The other day I realized I haven't fully processed graduation and I got a little upset about it. Its going to take time, I know, but I feel like I should be further along than I am.
I believe that ceremonies, weddings, funerals, graduations... etc. are good for us because they help us face the transitions and changes we go through in healthy ways. I think that when we don't participate fully in those ceremonies, we are missing something. The weekend of my graduation, I feel like I had a lot going on in my mind and I just kind of coped my way through it without fully engaging in the joy of graduating. And I think through that process, I allowed the anxieties to steal a lot of the joy graduations should bring. So my plan is to call my mom soon and plan little graduation gathering when I get back from Honduras. I think this will be helpful in allowing me to fully celebrate and feel closure.
I have accomplished something. I have a freaking college degree that says so! Why don't I feel happy about that? Probably because I've suffered a lot of discontentment with my major and some of my classes this year. But I shouldn't let those discontentments create a dis-creditation in my head of the accomplishment God has brought me to. I'm excited about the things that I've learned and ready to apply them in real life situations while continuing to learn more. We're always students in a sense and I never want to stop learning and growing each day.
The other day I realized I haven't fully processed graduation and I got a little upset about it. Its going to take time, I know, but I feel like I should be further along than I am.
I believe that ceremonies, weddings, funerals, graduations... etc. are good for us because they help us face the transitions and changes we go through in healthy ways. I think that when we don't participate fully in those ceremonies, we are missing something. The weekend of my graduation, I feel like I had a lot going on in my mind and I just kind of coped my way through it without fully engaging in the joy of graduating. And I think through that process, I allowed the anxieties to steal a lot of the joy graduations should bring. So my plan is to call my mom soon and plan little graduation gathering when I get back from Honduras. I think this will be helpful in allowing me to fully celebrate and feel closure.
I have accomplished something. I have a freaking college degree that says so! Why don't I feel happy about that? Probably because I've suffered a lot of discontentment with my major and some of my classes this year. But I shouldn't let those discontentments create a dis-creditation in my head of the accomplishment God has brought me to. I'm excited about the things that I've learned and ready to apply them in real life situations while continuing to learn more. We're always students in a sense and I never want to stop learning and growing each day.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
What to say...
I've been wanting to blog for a while, but haven't felt like I have anything to say... so here's my life in a nutshell.
I'm going to CA for spring break, I leave Saturday :D STOKED to spend time away from school thoughts and hang out with Danielle Faust and Emily Larson.
My future is coming together. I've made the decision to stay in Marion for next year. Which is a little scary, but I continue to feel affirmed in the decision. Now I just need to sort through my priorities for next year. I have so many things I want to do and be involved in. I just need to figure out what is most important and why God is affirming me to stay here.
I had a really bad headache yesterday to the point that I thought something might be wrong with me. But its gone this morning so we'll see if it comes back I might get checked out...
Prayers. I would really love your prayers as I try to figure out my internship. I have emailed an organization in Honduras and they've emailed me back saying they are interested and excited but needed to look over the paperwork and pray about it. So pray that God's will is made known to them as they consider allowing me to come work with them. Its basically an organization that works with agricultural development and has a mentoring component. It would be pretty much perfect for what i'm looking for.
I really love listening to music. I want to do it all day everyday. But I can't always get my homework done while listening.
I'm fasting from Caffeine for lent and trying to train myself to pay attention to God's presence and feel affirmed my Him in a more real way. You can pray for that too. Its been hard, but its working and I'm sensing God in some unique times throughout the day. its cool.
Ok, I should get to work now.
Closing thought.
"We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”
- Jim Rohn
I'm going to CA for spring break, I leave Saturday :D STOKED to spend time away from school thoughts and hang out with Danielle Faust and Emily Larson.
My future is coming together. I've made the decision to stay in Marion for next year. Which is a little scary, but I continue to feel affirmed in the decision. Now I just need to sort through my priorities for next year. I have so many things I want to do and be involved in. I just need to figure out what is most important and why God is affirming me to stay here.
I had a really bad headache yesterday to the point that I thought something might be wrong with me. But its gone this morning so we'll see if it comes back I might get checked out...
Prayers. I would really love your prayers as I try to figure out my internship. I have emailed an organization in Honduras and they've emailed me back saying they are interested and excited but needed to look over the paperwork and pray about it. So pray that God's will is made known to them as they consider allowing me to come work with them. Its basically an organization that works with agricultural development and has a mentoring component. It would be pretty much perfect for what i'm looking for.
I really love listening to music. I want to do it all day everyday. But I can't always get my homework done while listening.
I'm fasting from Caffeine for lent and trying to train myself to pay attention to God's presence and feel affirmed my Him in a more real way. You can pray for that too. Its been hard, but its working and I'm sensing God in some unique times throughout the day. its cool.
Ok, I should get to work now.
Closing thought.
"We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”
- Jim Rohn
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Boots
I woke up this morning to...
And from there it was official.
Today is the day I will debut my boots to the world.
(I'm trying to be epic. but really I'm just nervous so my coping mechanism is to make humor of it and embrace the fun in wearing boots not the self-conscious feelings I have in my stomach.)
And from there it was official.
Today is the day I will debut my boots to the world.
(I'm trying to be epic. but really I'm just nervous so my coping mechanism is to make humor of it and embrace the fun in wearing boots not the self-conscious feelings I have in my stomach.)
Monday, January 9, 2012
"Even Jesus Wept"
I don't know the rules about posting things. But I like this article so I'm putting it here too even though I put it on my status like 2 minutes ago.
I think the title is a little cheese, cause the "Jesus wept" verse is not the only place you find God showing us His emotions in scripture, but I feel like its the only one that ever gets attention.
To real you in, here is a take away I like about it...
"Giving into and being consumed by strong emotion is unhealthy, yes, even sinful; but having emotion in its proper context is good, even holy."
Now, read it.
I think the title is a little cheese, cause the "Jesus wept" verse is not the only place you find God showing us His emotions in scripture, but I feel like its the only one that ever gets attention.
To real you in, here is a take away I like about it...
"Giving into and being consumed by strong emotion is unhealthy, yes, even sinful; but having emotion in its proper context is good, even holy."
Now, read it.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
My room better not become a scrapbook room.
Depending where I decide to live after graduation, this could have been the longest time i'll be home for a good while... that kinda scares me. I really love my home town and the people that live here. North Carolina is pretty great, I won't lie. I've grown up in the best state. I'll probably have my kids here, at least. That's kinda what I want... I mean my mom would hate to be a distance grandma.... ok... too much...
Let's not think about it. I get to thinking and I never stop.
So I'm packing and getting ready for my last semester of college. I have to be there by 5:00pm tomorrow, meaning I'll be leaving my house around 6:30am. LAST SEMESTER!? who am i?
This is real weird.
Lord be with me.
ps- I wrestled an alligator today.
Let's not think about it. I get to thinking and I never stop.
So I'm packing and getting ready for my last semester of college. I have to be there by 5:00pm tomorrow, meaning I'll be leaving my house around 6:30am. LAST SEMESTER!? who am i?
This is real weird.
Lord be with me.
ps- I wrestled an alligator today.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Evaluation
Aight, I blogged these about a year ago... lets see how I did........
2011 Goals
1. Eat more fruit. --Not so good. But I know raised my average! I realized this year I feel attractive eating apples. I can't explain it. It's just how I feel.
2. Write more letters. --Still could use some improvement, but I'm think getting better at sharing my thoughts. which I know that was the partial intention with this one.
3. Be more organized. --Yeah I'd say so. At least "more" than before.
4. Learn to take intentional alone time. --Sure.
5. Don't waste money. --Getting there. I did save enough money to buy a new computer and plan a trip to CA. But I still need to learn how to set my limits and stick to them.
6. Be consistent with working out. --No. Not in the "3 days a week" type thing I was going for. 7. Spend more time outside. --I did a pretty good job of this over the summer. I know I went on pointless bike rides more. And I played soccer with church friends most Sundays.
8. Learn to live 1 Peter 4. --I know a big theme I've been learning this year has been about loving others pure and selflessly like Christ loves us. I've been learning about being a good steward of the things God has given me. Learning how to use my gifts... And learning that its God's strength not mine. I don't know. I know I've learn a lot about the themes in these verses, but there's still room for growth. Always.
9. Clean out my material goods. --I feel like my earthly possessions are still the same. I tried to clean things out this summer but it was hard. I'm too sentimental; My closet still holds little trinkets from my childhood I just can't part with yet. Like my Hornets hat I wore everyday when I was 10 or my woody woodpecker jacket... I'll get there.
10. Grab life by the throat 6 days a week and learn to sabbath when its time (aka don't waste a good story on laziness). --practicing the sabbath is hard stuff. I feel like I Sabbath until about 4:00pm. Then I get back to work. I want to do better at this one.
I'd say I did ok over all. I need to make new ones for this year. soon.
2011 Goals
1. Eat more fruit. --Not so good. But I know raised my average! I realized this year I feel attractive eating apples. I can't explain it. It's just how I feel.
2. Write more letters. --Still could use some improvement, but I'm think getting better at sharing my thoughts. which I know that was the partial intention with this one.
3. Be more organized. --Yeah I'd say so. At least "more" than before.
4. Learn to take intentional alone time. --Sure.
5. Don't waste money. --Getting there. I did save enough money to buy a new computer and plan a trip to CA. But I still need to learn how to set my limits and stick to them.
6. Be consistent with working out. --No. Not in the "3 days a week" type thing I was going for. 7. Spend more time outside. --I did a pretty good job of this over the summer. I know I went on pointless bike rides more. And I played soccer with church friends most Sundays.
8. Learn to live 1 Peter 4. --I know a big theme I've been learning this year has been about loving others pure and selflessly like Christ loves us. I've been learning about being a good steward of the things God has given me. Learning how to use my gifts... And learning that its God's strength not mine. I don't know. I know I've learn a lot about the themes in these verses, but there's still room for growth. Always.
9. Clean out my material goods. --I feel like my earthly possessions are still the same. I tried to clean things out this summer but it was hard. I'm too sentimental; My closet still holds little trinkets from my childhood I just can't part with yet. Like my Hornets hat I wore everyday when I was 10 or my woody woodpecker jacket... I'll get there.
10. Grab life by the throat 6 days a week and learn to sabbath when its time (aka don't waste a good story on laziness). --practicing the sabbath is hard stuff. I feel like I Sabbath until about 4:00pm. Then I get back to work. I want to do better at this one.
I'd say I did ok over all. I need to make new ones for this year. soon.
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